Lonely Recluse's Top Five to Lose Someone!

        Once upon a time, a certain Lonely Recluse needed to get rid of someone who threatened to liven up their dreary life. Now any recluse can identify with the need to maintain status quo in a life sans merriment.

These are the results of extensive research done by the Lonely Recluse to preserve a lifestyle. 
Followed in the right order, they are good to get a vampire off your neck.

#5. Tell them they are your soul-mate at introductions: 
Well begun is half done! 
Most people would be sent scampering down the street just by this one small gesture of camaraderie.
If they are still standing, the job is tougher but far from impossible.

#4. Become their shadow: 
Follow them everywhere. 
Majority would run for it if they need to dodge you to go to the bathroom.
The ones that don't mind would be tougher cookie but we can crack that.

#3. Share a secret: 
Tell them your deepest, darkest secret. The type you don't tell even to yourself.
There may be those who wouldn't mind your shadow under the toilet door but there aren't many that can carry a burden of knowledge.

#2. Share even more: 
If they are still standing after one secret, tell them even more. 
Crowd the voice mail, the inbox and the mailbox.
Tell them about your dog's diarrhea.

The survivor of a bombardment of that kind should be a keeper but then, we are talking of losing, not keeping, this person. 
So let's move on to the fail-safe.
The one that works almost every time.

#1. Soak them in tears: 
Open up your insecurities. 
Cry till your make up (if you wear any) and their shoulder dissolves. 
Pile up every emotional need on them like they owe it to you.

If #1 fails then even the Lonely Recluse can't help you. 

This one won't leave your side even in the afterlife. 
These strategies can't really work because they were devised for mere mortals. 
No other worldly beings were harmed in the conduct of this research.

You have met your match indeed. 
Learn to live with it.

Top Five Rules for Clubbing.

One of my interesting experiences in the last few weeks was going to a club. 
"Wow!" you'll say, "how interesting to do something thousands of teenagers do almost every weekend all over the world!"

Umm... I am not exactly a teenager and I don't exactly do it every weekend.
It's not going to the club that's so interesting. It's the lessons that I learnt that I need to share. 

I was so impressed with the experience that I had to come up with my own countdown of Rules for Clubbing:

#5 If you are not a regular or a local, don't take the advice of people who are not legally allowed inside clubs. (Therefore, have never gone to a club.) Chances are, you are going to get a rotten deal.
#4 Check out the DJ before you go. If you are in mood for House music you don't want to end up on a floor that plays the same Techno Beat for four hours in a row.
#3 Do not suggest that your companion should dance with you just because you two have been standing on the dance floor for more than an hour and it's too loud to have any conversation.
#2 If you feel like kissing your companion, do not grin like an idiot. Do It.

This is The Most Important one, it has to be number One. You cannot follow Rule Two above without getting into some kind of trouble if you don't follow this rule.

#1 DO NOT go to a club with a boy who is neither your friend nor your boyfriend, esp if you are married (to someone else). 

So happy clubbing!