Why?.... Because.....

There was a time, when someone would walk out on me without a reason, and I would be left with only one thing.

A curiosity so strong, I could barely make it through the darkness of that one word.

Why?

Then it started happening.

Those people started to come back. 

Years apart.

Paths start crossing and things have a way of coming around.

There must be some merit to the String theory! 

And when they come around, the backs are no longer turned.

To avoid looking into the eyes is no longer an option.

The truth is Absolution!

It is never what I expect the answer to be.

Never an assumed flaw I wondered about.

Even though, relentless self scrutiny did offer observations that remedied many a real flaw I had.

It is a poisoned gossip vine.

Or a weak spine.

Sometimes, mere inconvenience.

Greater than the closure, is the lesson.

The more precious for the bitter way it is learned.

When someone turns their back on you for apparently no reason, the Universe is giving you a gift!

Accept it and cherish the opportunity to know the truth about someone's character.

Q. Why?

A. Because...

Sometimes we need just an ear.

Sometimes we need a hand to hold.

Sometimes we need a shoulder to prop on.

Sometimes, we need to look into the mirror of a turned back.

Interpreting Silence!... What a mess?

Everything I posted so far, I kept impersonal.
Derived from so deep in the heart or so far in the past that it has a surreal distance from me.
Like it was someone else's story.

Today I must talk of something so recent that it can't be separated from reality.
Cannot be draped in any veil of comfort.

I told him I love him and I would leave everything for him.
It was too early to let him know but it was my only chance.

I asked for five minutes to hold him because something inside me knew he was too good to stay.

He didn't give me those five minutes.
He gave me a song and went silent.

I needed one answer.
He wouldn't even let me ask the question.

I kept banging at the door.
He let me know he was there but he wouldn't make a sound.

The song could have meant anything.
His silence could have meant anything.

Did it mean he didn't feel the way I felt?
Did it mean it just wasn't right?
Did it mean anything at all?
What? 
What did it mean?

I kept telling myself that it was I who came on too hard.
That the silence could only mean he loved me not.
And it looked like it.
He removed all trace of me.
Even as I watched.

So I tried to keep up my best face.
I believed he moved on.
So I tried to make myself believe I moved on.

Then he shows up with this girl.
So much of me in her, from the trinket she wears to the words she used.

Now.. what do I make of the silence?
Am I reading into it because I feel jealous?
I must be jealous but something else is bothering me more.

What's wrong with boys?
Why don't they say it to your face?

It will hurt much less to know the truth than to keep guessing.
A man can't read a woman's mind but so is true for women.
Women can't read minds too.

Why don't you go lose yourself Jad?
Why don't you say it out loud?
Even now, why don't you?

How long till I am free of you?
How long till I can move on?

How long till this noisy silence lasts?

Que Importa... What does it Matter?

What's so important?
Is there anything so important?

Ultimately. No.

There comes a moment when the realization dawns that Life is, in fact, just a moment.
A moment in the passing of innumerable more.

The only moment that is real is the present moment.
The moment gone, never retrieved.

The moment coming, becomes present even as we think of it.

No reality except that minuscule iota of time that's Now.
All that we think is Real is merely our Brain telling us it is.

Then what does it matter?
Why get tied down with attachments?
Why get torn down by loss?
Why celebrate or mourn a moment?

The moment is passed.
The next has come.

Let nothing stop you.
Move on.

Love.
Live.

Lonely Recluse's Top Five to Lose Someone!

        Once upon a time, a certain Lonely Recluse needed to get rid of someone who threatened to liven up their dreary life. Now any recluse can identify with the need to maintain status quo in a life sans merriment.

These are the results of extensive research done by the Lonely Recluse to preserve a lifestyle. 
Followed in the right order, they are good to get a vampire off your neck.

#5. Tell them they are your soul-mate at introductions: 
Well begun is half done! 
Most people would be sent scampering down the street just by this one small gesture of camaraderie.
If they are still standing, the job is tougher but far from impossible.

#4. Become their shadow: 
Follow them everywhere. 
Majority would run for it if they need to dodge you to go to the bathroom.
The ones that don't mind would be tougher cookie but we can crack that.

#3. Share a secret: 
Tell them your deepest, darkest secret. The type you don't tell even to yourself.
There may be those who wouldn't mind your shadow under the toilet door but there aren't many that can carry a burden of knowledge.

#2. Share even more: 
If they are still standing after one secret, tell them even more. 
Crowd the voice mail, the inbox and the mailbox.
Tell them about your dog's diarrhea.

The survivor of a bombardment of that kind should be a keeper but then, we are talking of losing, not keeping, this person. 
So let's move on to the fail-safe.
The one that works almost every time.

#1. Soak them in tears: 
Open up your insecurities. 
Cry till your make up (if you wear any) and their shoulder dissolves. 
Pile up every emotional need on them like they owe it to you.

If #1 fails then even the Lonely Recluse can't help you. 

This one won't leave your side even in the afterlife. 
These strategies can't really work because they were devised for mere mortals. 
No other worldly beings were harmed in the conduct of this research.

You have met your match indeed. 
Learn to live with it.

Hermit, Not Ascetic!

Semantics. 
Some would say.
What's the difference?

I say there is.
It took me all my life to realize I am one and not the other.
It took me all my life to realize it is not required to be one in order to be the other.

I am a Hermit.
I like to stay away in general.
Glorified introvert?
I like to say,"I respect personal space. 
Most of all, my own personal space.
I extend that courtesy to the second and third person."

I am not an Ascetic.
I follow my spiritual goals. Tenuously.

I do not deny anything in the process.
I do not deny responsibility.
I do not deny pleasure.
I do not deny myself.

Denial is voluntary ignorance.
How can there be spiritual growth where there is ignorance?
How can someone master something they never experienced?

Spirituality is not about denying that a vice exists. 
It is not about acknowledging a vice to condemn it.

Spirituality is about rising.
It is about acknowledging the vice and then rising above it. 

It is not about turning the other way.
It is not about crossing the street.
It is not about avoiding the temptation altogether.
Spirituality is about learning to stay strong in the face of it.

Hence, I say, I am not an ascetic. 
I can never be while I tread the path of spirituality.
I doubt you when you ask me to take the escapist route of being one.

I stay a hermit. 
Stand on the sidelines and experience by observing.
I am not attached to what I see but I am not closing my eyes.

I see.
I experience.
I learn.
I grow.

Why? Oh, Why?

Why? Oh, Why?
Why me?
Why now?
Why?

Everyone has asked that at least once in life.
Has sat with head in hands and wondered.
Has cried inwards or cursed outwards.
Has felt betrayed. 

Has lost faith.
Has been there.

At least once in life.

Then everyone has lifted their heads.
Tried to look up. 

Act like moving on.

Problem.
Moving on doesn't happen so easily.
The pain doesn't go away.
The faith doesn't return a hundred percent.

Unless.... the "Why?" is answered.

Answers take time.
A millisecond. A decade.
It depends.
It depends, when the Universe decides to show "Why?".

But when it happens, there can be no doubt there is always a plan for us in the scheme of the Universe.
All that is needed is to be aware when the Answer reveals itself.

What happens, happens just the way it should have happened.

How do I know?
As Morpheus puts it, "Because we are not dead."

Crossroads....

Life. Journey.

Crossroads. Inevitable.


Indecision? Yes.
Unnecessary? No.


Every now and then in our journey, life throws crossroads at us.
Sometimes with the "Stop All Ways" Sign.
Often with no Directing Arrows.


It is agitating, at times, to not know whether to turn. 
If a turn is for sure, it is agitating to not know in which direction.


Makes you think "Why crossroads?"
Same question as "Why choices?"


Crossroads bring along choices. 
The freedom to take a turn that may make a difference.
The excitement of meeting other travellers.
The possibility of a new destination.


Why not race into wherever the traffic flows?
Because, every now and then, Life wants us to take a chance.
Every now and then, life wants to give us a chance.

Destiny is not written in the stars or in the hands.
Destiny is designed by crossroads.