Purge

A few months back there was another emotional upheaval to go through.

What do you do when you are offered a path?
Is there ever a choice?

You think you have a choice.
You do what you have to do.

So I did.
The question had presented itself.
It is much simpler than what it was made out to be.

It was merely a question of recognizing the pus that had been festering.
The pus of unanswered questions.
The questions unanswered because they were never asked.
The questions never asked for fear they wouldn't be answered.

The only way to rid the body of an abscess is to drain the pus.
I did it too.
I asked all those questions.

I was right about one thing.
There was no answer.

I was not right about one thing.
It was not a futile exercise.

We sometimes hold on to our shackles.
So used to them, we guard our own prisons.
Letting go is all it takes.

The answers will come... 
Or they may not.

But now I am purged and the healing has begun.

Why?.... Because.....

There was a time, when someone would walk out on me without a reason, and I would be left with only one thing.

A curiosity so strong, I could barely make it through the darkness of that one word.

Why?

Then it started happening.

Those people started to come back. 

Years apart.

Paths start crossing and things have a way of coming around.

There must be some merit to the String theory! 

And when they come around, the backs are no longer turned.

To avoid looking into the eyes is no longer an option.

The truth is Absolution!

It is never what I expect the answer to be.

Never an assumed flaw I wondered about.

Even though, relentless self scrutiny did offer observations that remedied many a real flaw I had.

It is a poisoned gossip vine.

Or a weak spine.

Sometimes, mere inconvenience.

Greater than the closure, is the lesson.

The more precious for the bitter way it is learned.

When someone turns their back on you for apparently no reason, the Universe is giving you a gift!

Accept it and cherish the opportunity to know the truth about someone's character.

Q. Why?

A. Because...

Sometimes we need just an ear.

Sometimes we need a hand to hold.

Sometimes we need a shoulder to prop on.

Sometimes, we need to look into the mirror of a turned back.

Like Before...

Someone told me a few months back, "You'll go back home and everything will be like before."

Took those words and kept them in my heart.
Worked so hard to see them come true.

Tried. 
Really tried.
And then tried some more.
And every time looked around to see if everything was like before.


Never happened.

How can it ever be if a part of your soul is changed?
If your heart has been touched?
If you have known the change and let it know that you know?

Life happens and we walk away.


Try to walk away...  
But can we?

Every past moment was different.
Every passing moment is changing.
Every moment that will pass will change.

It can never be like before.
However much you say it or want to believe it.

It can never be like before.