Purge

A few months back there was another emotional upheaval to go through.

What do you do when you are offered a path?
Is there ever a choice?

You think you have a choice.
You do what you have to do.

So I did.
The question had presented itself.
It is much simpler than what it was made out to be.

It was merely a question of recognizing the pus that had been festering.
The pus of unanswered questions.
The questions unanswered because they were never asked.
The questions never asked for fear they wouldn't be answered.

The only way to rid the body of an abscess is to drain the pus.
I did it too.
I asked all those questions.

I was right about one thing.
There was no answer.

I was not right about one thing.
It was not a futile exercise.

We sometimes hold on to our shackles.
So used to them, we guard our own prisons.
Letting go is all it takes.

The answers will come... 
Or they may not.

But now I am purged and the healing has begun.

Why?.... Because.....

There was a time, when someone would walk out on me without a reason, and I would be left with only one thing.

A curiosity so strong, I could barely make it through the darkness of that one word.

Why?

Then it started happening.

Those people started to come back. 

Years apart.

Paths start crossing and things have a way of coming around.

There must be some merit to the String theory! 

And when they come around, the backs are no longer turned.

To avoid looking into the eyes is no longer an option.

The truth is Absolution!

It is never what I expect the answer to be.

Never an assumed flaw I wondered about.

Even though, relentless self scrutiny did offer observations that remedied many a real flaw I had.

It is a poisoned gossip vine.

Or a weak spine.

Sometimes, mere inconvenience.

Greater than the closure, is the lesson.

The more precious for the bitter way it is learned.

When someone turns their back on you for apparently no reason, the Universe is giving you a gift!

Accept it and cherish the opportunity to know the truth about someone's character.

Q. Why?

A. Because...

Sometimes we need just an ear.

Sometimes we need a hand to hold.

Sometimes we need a shoulder to prop on.

Sometimes, we need to look into the mirror of a turned back.

Cowards

Cowards.
They are humans.
They have dreams.
They want to make it big.

They want it all like someone owes it to them.
Like it would just show up in a sock in the morning.
It doesn't.

They think it is everybody's job to give them what they want.
Like they gave it all the longing they had.
Like they gave all their time and effort to someone else's dream.

Like just wanting is enough to deserve it.
It isn't.

The boss believes it.
The client believes it.
The coward doesn't.

They can't accept it.
Their own failure.
Or a lack of achievement.

Sights are set on the next generation.
Like the child is born with all their own unfulfilled dreams.

The child keeps trying to live the coward's life.
Subdued by force.
Forced by duty.

Duty-bound to its creator.
With its own dreams in the back seat.

Suddenly the child is all grown up.
With wants and dreams there is no time to fulfill.

Another coward bred on cowardice.
And the spiral continues into another generation.

Que Importa... What does it Matter?

What's so important?
Is there anything so important?

Ultimately. No.

There comes a moment when the realization dawns that Life is, in fact, just a moment.
A moment in the passing of innumerable more.

The only moment that is real is the present moment.
The moment gone, never retrieved.

The moment coming, becomes present even as we think of it.

No reality except that minuscule iota of time that's Now.
All that we think is Real is merely our Brain telling us it is.

Then what does it matter?
Why get tied down with attachments?
Why get torn down by loss?
Why celebrate or mourn a moment?

The moment is passed.
The next has come.

Let nothing stop you.
Move on.

Love.
Live.

Hermit, Not Ascetic!

Semantics. 
Some would say.
What's the difference?

I say there is.
It took me all my life to realize I am one and not the other.
It took me all my life to realize it is not required to be one in order to be the other.

I am a Hermit.
I like to stay away in general.
Glorified introvert?
I like to say,"I respect personal space. 
Most of all, my own personal space.
I extend that courtesy to the second and third person."

I am not an Ascetic.
I follow my spiritual goals. Tenuously.

I do not deny anything in the process.
I do not deny responsibility.
I do not deny pleasure.
I do not deny myself.

Denial is voluntary ignorance.
How can there be spiritual growth where there is ignorance?
How can someone master something they never experienced?

Spirituality is not about denying that a vice exists. 
It is not about acknowledging a vice to condemn it.

Spirituality is about rising.
It is about acknowledging the vice and then rising above it. 

It is not about turning the other way.
It is not about crossing the street.
It is not about avoiding the temptation altogether.
Spirituality is about learning to stay strong in the face of it.

Hence, I say, I am not an ascetic. 
I can never be while I tread the path of spirituality.
I doubt you when you ask me to take the escapist route of being one.

I stay a hermit. 
Stand on the sidelines and experience by observing.
I am not attached to what I see but I am not closing my eyes.

I see.
I experience.
I learn.
I grow.