Everything I posted so far, I kept impersonal.
Derived from so deep in the heart or so far in the past that it has a surreal distance from me.
Like it was someone else's story.
Today I must talk of something so recent that it can't be separated from reality.
Cannot be draped in any veil of comfort.
I told him I love him and I would leave everything for him.
It was too early to let him know but it was my only chance.
I asked for five minutes to hold him because something inside me knew he was too good to stay.
He didn't give me those five minutes.
He gave me a song and went silent.
I needed one answer.
He wouldn't even let me ask the question.
I kept banging at the door.
He let me know he was there but he wouldn't make a sound.
The song could have meant anything.
His silence could have meant anything.
Did it mean he didn't feel the way I felt?
Did it mean it just wasn't right?
Did it mean anything at all?
What?
What did it mean?
I kept telling myself that it was I who came on too hard.
That the silence could only mean he loved me not.
And it looked like it.
He removed all trace of me.
Even as I watched.
So I tried to keep up my best face.
I believed he moved on.
So I tried to make myself believe I moved on.
Then he shows up with this girl.
So much of me in her, from the trinket she wears to the words she used.
Now.. what do I make of the silence?
Am I reading into it because I feel jealous?
I must be jealous but something else is bothering me more.
What's wrong with boys?
Why don't they say it to your face?
It will hurt much less to know the truth than to keep guessing.
A man can't read a woman's mind but so is true for women.
Women can't read minds too.
Why don't you go lose yourself Jad?
Why don't you say it out loud?
Even now, why don't you?
How long till I am free of you?
How long till I can move on?
How long till this noisy silence lasts?
Derived from so deep in the heart or so far in the past that it has a surreal distance from me.
Like it was someone else's story.
Today I must talk of something so recent that it can't be separated from reality.
Cannot be draped in any veil of comfort.
I told him I love him and I would leave everything for him.
It was too early to let him know but it was my only chance.
I asked for five minutes to hold him because something inside me knew he was too good to stay.
He didn't give me those five minutes.
He gave me a song and went silent.
I needed one answer.
He wouldn't even let me ask the question.
I kept banging at the door.
He let me know he was there but he wouldn't make a sound.
The song could have meant anything.
His silence could have meant anything.
Did it mean he didn't feel the way I felt?
Did it mean it just wasn't right?
Did it mean anything at all?
What?
What did it mean?
I kept telling myself that it was I who came on too hard.
That the silence could only mean he loved me not.
And it looked like it.
He removed all trace of me.
Even as I watched.
So I tried to keep up my best face.
I believed he moved on.
So I tried to make myself believe I moved on.
Then he shows up with this girl.
So much of me in her, from the trinket she wears to the words she used.
Now.. what do I make of the silence?
Am I reading into it because I feel jealous?
I must be jealous but something else is bothering me more.
What's wrong with boys?
Why don't they say it to your face?
It will hurt much less to know the truth than to keep guessing.
A man can't read a woman's mind but so is true for women.
Women can't read minds too.
Why don't you go lose yourself Jad?
Why don't you say it out loud?
Even now, why don't you?
How long till I am free of you?
How long till I can move on?
How long till this noisy silence lasts?
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