Lost!

You don't know a loser till you have lost it yourself.
I went out on a limb yesterday and let the emotions flow. It was an emotional outpouring of mammoth proportions that merely turned out to be a Pavlovian response to similar experience in the past. 
Turns out, I may have over reacted to nothing. At least nothing compared to what followed.

The curtains rose on the encore this morning. 
This morning I told everything honestly. As honest as I have ever been. What followed was this:

I got an ultimatum.
"If you ever behave in this way again, I will assume you want out."

Also, got a free character analysis:
"You are such a hormonal person."

The behavior in question is going out for movies, for dinner and to the beach in mostly a social setting.

The offending statement:
"I never felt so free and so happy in my life. I was elated. I felt liberated."

The analysis:
"In your moment of elation and liberation you must have sent out the wrong signals. Anyone can get the wrong signals if you behave like that."

So Sacanagem!
Well as they say, "No honest deed goes unpunished". Especially in a relationship.
Isn't love meant to nurture?
Isn't love meant to help you grow?
Isn't love meant to make you happy?

You know what?
I want out. 
I want out of everything in this world.
I want out of this dependence on anyone to feel happy. 
I want out of being made to feel guilty about anything and everything I enjoy.

I want to be Selfish. 
So selfish that you can't hurt me every time I let you know I live.
So selfish that you cannot hurt me every time I kill a part of me for you.

It was surrendered to you, you didn't win it.
It was a gift, you didn't earn it.
You don't own it. You never will.
Because it's not Your will.
Don't cry if you lose it because you never had it. 

You have to have found it before you say it's lost.